
Ultimate Duelist
      
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Member No.: 3,261
Joined: 13-September 07
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I typed up mine long ago. Then edited and added to for the CL forum topic... Now I'm gonna gonna copy and paste it...
I guess I'll add the recent junk later? I don't feel like thinking the past out for that stuff... I'll just say one word to describe mine -DRAMA, from the beginning to the end....
| QUOTE | So, I'll be contributing to the internet stories too. I typed mine up a year ago actually, but I updated it and fixed it. Although mine will be far from detailed, I have a bad memory on things and it may just be the basics. Guess I'll do it in the same format everyone else is doing. ______________ Where to begin.. Well first of all, my grandma has had a computer since I was 9, but I was never able allowed on the internet. And barely was able to get on the computer except for games like 'third grade adventures' and 'mission think'. Other then that, I couldn't touch it.
Game Codes
Around age 12, 7th grade. I took a typing class, but sucked at it. One [word per minute, was all I could do, and hated it! But I got to know computers better. Living with my grandma still, she lived closer to my aunt Donna, who had computers in her office. So I asked her to look up game codes for me, for my PS2, I had just gotten. Then when she didn't have time, I asked her to show me how, which started it all. Pretty soon I was looking up codes, and walkthroughs. Which took about two hours at most.
Neopets
One day when being dragged from store to store, at the mall with my cousin for school clothes shopping. We went to the store 'Limited TOO', and I noticed 'Neopets'. Stuffed animals, how cute the Kougra and Angelpuss was. So I asked my cousin, who was younger then me, yet due to having computers, she knew more then me, about what neopets was. So she explained it being a virtual pet site on the internet. I started to get interested and asked her how to join. Being the brat she was, she wouldn't tell me how and I had to leave it at that. Next time I went to her house and used the computer for game codes. I asked about neopets again and she STILL wouldn't tell me what it is. Finally I got my aunt to make her tell me how to join, and she did. She showed me the site, and showed me how to sign up. Due to not having an email at the time, or even know much about emails. I had to use my aunts email. So using that, I joined as 'Inuyashas_girl___. (Due to having a crush on Inuyasha at the time.) After that, I went on neopets anytime I could access a computer. At school in the library at lunch, at Donna's house when I could go. And at the office, of the condo's we stayed in. (since Donna owned the place). The ladies were really nice and let me use a computer in the designers office. But, my uncle didn't trust me, and so one day when I asked about Neopets, and he said no, then asked her if I could use it, she said no, but said she'd give me my own computer, so I wouldn't have to use the one's in the office. So months later, after begging her and beating every PS2 game owned, without game codes, and no Neopets to play. She finally got around to giving me a computer. A Sony Viao Desktop. A flat screen computer, which had been an old one of hers. It worked, it had Windows 98, but it worked. So I used that, for neopets and game codes, and just stayed on those sites. Didn't bother trying to explore the internet further. Till one day, my Aunt called me, mad , saying she was getting tons of spam in her email, asking me why. I didn't know, till I finally realized it was all the advertisements I signed up to on neopets to get free neopoints. Still using her email, it had gotten her alot of spam. Due to that, she told me about hotmail and told me how to make an email address. So I did, and due to still being obsessed with videogames it was. 'Videogamemasteroftheworld@hotmail.com', because videogamemaster was taken. Way too long.
Computer Breaking
Well, a few months after playing neopets and game codes. The Sony Vial broke. Or at least I thought it had. It froze, and wouldn't unfreeze. So I restarted it, but instead of restarting it normal. I clicked on something that said. 'Restart in MS Dos Mode', not knowing what it was, I clicked it and restarted the computer. Which, was the wrong choice. It restarted into a black screen with white text, 'MS Dos', like a command prompt window, and wouldn't go to windows. So it was broke, or so I thought. I had broken it. Nothing I did, and nothing I typed, wouldn't get it out of it. Even restarting it thousands of time's wouldn't fix it. Finally giving up, I told grandma, and she said she'd take it in to fix, that I'd have to do without. So I did. Then one day, at my sisters house, she showed me a box of junk my brother in laws sister had left there. It was a box of computer parts, and pieces, disks and books. Looking through that, I found a book titled "MS Dos 6" (or something). Thinking it could help me, I read through the book, and sure enough, found the answer to my problem. 'Type exit'. Laugh all you want, at the time I didn't know. So asking to borrow the book, I went home and typed exit, which automatically fixed the computer back into windows. So once it was fixed, I started to become arrogant. I thought I was a computer genius. "Oh I fixed my computer when it was broke, I can fix everything now!" I told my grandma, sister and bragged to everyone I could, that I fixed my computer. Totally wrong. A week later, The Sony Viao soon broke, again. But it stayed broke, this time I couldn't fix it, and it was not my doing. I tried to fix it, thinking I could, but nothing I did worked. Doing without, I again waited, till finally my sister said there was a guy at her work who said he'd fix it. She took it to him, and he fixed it, re-installed Windows98 on it. By now my aunt had giving me an XP disc, so I installed it on the computer, with help, but the computer broke again 2 days later and he had to fix it again, this time he re-installed XP on it, and it lasted a while.
By now I had been on neopets a long time and had learned a bit more from it. Such as how to make user lookup pages, and guild layouts in paint. Wasn't much but it was a start. While trying to learn how to make better guild layouts, by talking to people on neopets. I saw one of them had a 'freewebs' page as a guild website. Going to that, led me to AskJeeves.com. Which led to learning how to search for anime pictures and such. Again not much, but a start in browsing.
Well, it wasn't to last, soon again, the computer broke once again. I lost everything, every picture I had found or made. This time I went with my sister to the guy who fixed it to find out why it kept breaking. He explained that the hard drive wasn't compatible with Windows XP or something like that, and it wasn't reading it. Because this particular hard drive didn't go with the computer. My aunt had switched hard drives before giving it to me, because she had let a friend borrow it, and had to buy a new one(hard drive) Therefore the one in the computer didn't like the computer or Windows XP. Which was the whole problem. So he said even if he did fix it again, it would still break a few days later, as like before. So, that was the routine. I used it a few days, it broke, we got it fixed used it more. It stayed like that for a few months.
MSN Gaming Zone - Teen Chess
Finally I just gave up one it and used the computers at school instead. Which were unfortunately mac. Finally that summer, I flew to my aunt Bernie's for the summer. And she had a computer, a dialup connection and running on Windows ME, but a computer. Using that while I was there, I used it for neopets, and by now freewebs site making. Then one day, my aunt Bernie, introduced me to MSN Gaming Zone, and I signed up there with the same alias as neopets. Inuyashas_girl___ and joined Teen Chess. Sticking around there, I and playing chess. I learned from what I saw in the chat room, going on. Learning terms such as 'asl', 'lol' and the rest. Learning also about game clans, and 'hacking' clans of MSN Gaming Zone. After a while, I stopped playing chess, and just stuck around on the Chat part. Finally hearing about hacking so many times on there. I heard one thing that caught my attention. Someone said 'it was possible to hack neopets'. So that caught my immediate attention, and I asked more about hacking in general. Someone then directed me to Zonehacks. A site for hacks for MSN Gaming Zone, Flooders, Unbanners, and such. I was still was arrogant at this time, and considered myself computer skilled, since I had learned more about windows and and chatting. Had no clue about the rest of the Internet.
Being Flamed
Zone Hacks was the first big mistake. After learning of it, I thought they could hack neopets for me, or maybe I could learn how myself, or maybe they could tell me how. So I joined up there, on the forums. Still under the same name and posted the question you shouldn't post. "Can you teach me how to hack neopets? or hack it for me?" That got me labeled as a noob and flamed right away. People flamed me for liking neopets, for asking about hacking, for asking for someone to hack it, for having bad grammar, for everything they could practically flame me for. Then they directed me elsewhere and told me not to come back. So I went back to MSN Gaming Zone, Teen chess, and begged people in the chat room there how to hack. Asking them for sites, for help, for instruction. Bugging the many hacking clans on there to teach me. Making all kinds of people mad, till they got fed up. Finally not getting any results. I gave up on asking and forgot about it a while.
Then a friend on there told me about MSN Messenger, didn't know what that was at the time either, and asked me if I could get on. I asked my aunt to show me how to sign on and she set it up for me. Finally on MSN, I added anyone that I knew from the zone that had screenames. Started to hold daily chats on there and talk to people daily.
HTS and Hackng Finally, again on neopets, my interest for hacking was aroused again. This time when I asked, a friend directed me to HTS. Hackthissite.org. And I joined up there with the name 'Hikaru'. Having been using this name a while, for my character on Neopets. Not an rp character, for I didn't know what roleplaying was then. But my online persona on neopets. The one that liked Inuyasha. I knew actions in asterisks, but not what it was or actual roleplaying. So joining HTS, I posted the fatal question once again. "Can you hack neopets for me?". Result was worse then Zonehacks, I got flamed worse then I had there, again for liking neopets, for posting there just to ask that, for having a gay Japanese screen name. Anything they could find to flame me for. And I was labeled a forever noob and script kiddie. And told to quit even trying. Though extremely mean and rude this was at the time, it helped set my internet life forward. I didn't quit, I stuck around instead, and posted on the forums when I could, reading what they all had to say, although I was flamed every time I posted anything, no mater what I posted, I still stayed. Reading up about hacking, what it actually was, not how to do it, but I read about it. Pretty soon, I thought I knew enough to label myself as a hacker. My arrogance grew, and I did, I thought I knew 'everything' there was to know about computers. Thinking that, I began to brag on MSN Gaming Zone, bragging that I could hack anything, even though I couldn't. I was claiming skills, I didn't posses, which got me mixed up in knowing a Clan on there, by the name of DaRk cLaN, they were a clan of hackers that flooded the zone, and annoyed the mebers + (what they called mods on there). Pretty soon to boast and gain attention, I said I'd hack them, why? Because they were the top one's on there, so if I hacked them, I could prove I could. I gave them 3 days to prepare. But nothing came out of it. I wasn't able to hack them, so I said they were a waste of time anyways, to cover it up. I had plenty of arrogance, just not the skills to back it up. Due to that, it started to prove tricky to keep up the belief that I could hack. Finally my chance came and I proved myself with my first 'hack' if it can even be called that. A member by the name of DWH, which had a clan called DWH. (Down with hackers). He also had a proboards site. So to prove myself. I made a new screename and talked to him, tricking him into telling me the answer to his secret question for his hotmail account. Using that information, I used the forgot password feature, and got in, and defaced his site. That was the first very first hack.
Code Lyoko Forum - First Visit
I had caught Code Lyoko on TV, way before any of the HTS stuff, but I wasn't able to get on the forum, due to not having flash, and my aunt couldn't download it. So I wasn't able to ever go on the forum.
But soon the summer ended, and I went back to Arizona. By now, my Grandma had her computer hooked up, so I used that. Remaining on HTS. Finally able to get on the CL forum. Since this one had flash, I joined there with the name 'Hikaru'. And right away, used the label/claim as being a hacker. Completely Arrogant. I mean, it got me attention before, why couldn't it work this time? So I joined and posted on a few threads but didn't really stick out much, I was on HTS, more then I was on CL. But then, I found a thread posted by a Techlinks user, Adam, telling about code lyoko downloads and music video's at Techlinks. So I followed that link and joined with the username 'Hacker' thinking it would be 'cool'. Being on those 3 forums, I stuck around HTS and CL the most, learning what roleplaying was finally, and posting a bit. Finally a thread caught my eye that was about Code Lyoko Sprite comics, but a member of the name 'Dark_Zero', posting in that thread, I met the others that posted there also. Goldenblade, Rose, and Steven. I was going to help them out with the sprite comic, and Dark_Zero even made my character sprite. Then I met a member named Malunis on the CL forum, and he told me about AIM, which I joined with the screename HikaruXANA, but I then blocked him right away, finding him to be annoying.
Later on Rose then told me about Lawless, which I joined, and made a complete fool of myself. I can't remember exactly what happened, but I got into a fight over the RP, Rose asked me to join. I think I called it boring, and Zephir argued with me, so I argued back and finally threatened to hack the place which got me automatically banned. I hated him for that. I didn't even know the guy all that much. I even made a post on CL, about how mad I was at him. Later on Rose, said they had made a new RP forum. RP Haven, and invited me to join that instead. So I joined there, and participated in RP's ALOT, I soon even was made an admin of it and left the CL forums, bored of them. I also didn't go on HTS either. Just RP Haven and Techlinks.
First CLTCG
At one visit back to the CL forum, just to see what all had changed, I came across a thread of a member named Raven Wolf about a Code Lyoko Trading Card Game. Clicking the link, I was going to join, but it was discontinued, because they didn't want to be sued by moonscoop for using copyrighted images. I found this a bit stupid, and did..well I'm ashamed to admit it now. I took the cards already made, and covered up RW's copyright on the bottom of them, replacing it with my own and said it was my idea. Since they discontinued it, I thought I could continued it, but I didn't have the graphic skills to make my own. I made a proboards site for it, and got people to join. But RW didn't like that nor his members. They all claimed the idea was theres, I claimed it was mine, finally people believed it was mine, and that was CLTCG for a while.
AIM Roleplays and the End of Techlinks
Finally at one point, Malunis again IM'd me, seeing as he had a new screename, that one wasn't blocked. I was about ready to block him again, till he mentioned Roleplaying, catching my interest, he told me about an RP group, on AIM he was apart of, and asked me if I wanted to join a CL RP they were doing. I accepted and thus became part of that group. Roleplaying alot on there, and not going to many forums, except TL. Then on TL, everything changed. Adam, one of the admins claimed he had worked at moonscoop, and he knew what was going to be in Season 2 before it aired, and such. I believed it at first, but then I started to have doubts, and finally along with Malunis, accused him in a chat, and told him to prove it. He got really mad at that, and quit TL, and thought to be the internet. He blocked me, and before he quit TL, he wiped the forum clean, saying he was taking it with him. I made it worse afterwards, because I was one of the one's that said bad things about Adam after he had left. So he hated me, and never talked to me again.
Later on though, he contacted me again on AIM. With a message, a 'riddle' using it as a means to find him. He sent me some video's, and told me that they contained a message by the lyrics and the video it'self. And that once I had figured it out, I could find him. He said to do it before 'Beltane' a wiccan holiday, that if I found him, everything would back to normal and he'd come back. But if I didn't find him before that, then everything would end, and he wouldn't be coming back.
Well I tried, and came to the conclusion he was going to commit suicide. The lyrics of the songs all sounded like that, and he wasn't really in his right mind. And his whole message of finding him and not finding him, didn't help either. Not wanting to lose a friend, I asked Casiocomputer one of Adam's admins he left in charge in his place, and thought to be a friend of his, to help me figure it out. Because Warton, and comex, no one seemed to care about the message. So Casio and I tried to figure it out, when not being able to, and thinking we were running out of time. Since it was nearing the day he said we had till. Finally scared for him, I took a easier way. Soccerboi, a friend of his in real life. I hacked into his email, by use of forgot password, and got his phone number out of it. I called up him, and asked him for Adam's phone number, he gave it to me. But I was afraid to call, so instead I looked in the email for anything else that could help, and noticed a website he was a part of, that Adam owned, an RC site. So I clicked on that link, and looked at Adam's profile, which had a new AIM screename. Happy, I contacted him on that screename, but he was mad. Really mad, he said I didn't solve the message the right way, and that I was wrong for finding him this way, and blocked me again. Finally I didn't care, I was concerned for him, but if I was going to be treated that way, then I wouldn't bother.
CL Forum - Second Visit
So I stayed on TL, and Casio let me be an admin on there so as long as I promised I wouldn't do anything. I didn't think I'd do anything, why would I if I had an admin posistion. But I didn't know what things would lead to then. I went back to the CL forum, and made an effort to post more, to help members, and make a name for myself, in hopes I could be a mod one day. But others were chosen instead of me, and finally I couldn't take it anymore. I got mad and said I'd hack the place to become a mod if I couldn't get it by being a 'good member'. I got mad at Noir and Zephir for telling me I couldn't hack it, and told them I'd prove I could, obviously they saw through my claims. I still didn't have any skills to speak of, just bragging, and arrogance, and a few email hacks. Nothing that could hack a forum, nothing at all. So after so many times of being told I couldn't on the forum and in the chat. I looked it up on google, and read anything I could find about phpbb exploits, anything at all that would let me prove I could. Finally I stumbled on the cookie exploit, downloaded HTTP Headers for Firefox, and used it on the CL forum, crossing my fingers the whole time. I was in! I was in the Admin CP, I was signed on with the admin account, no one else was online that I could see, no one else noticed, I couldn't believe it. But I was also scared, I didn't know what to do, I was in control, in the ACP, but I didn't know a thing of what to do. I didn't know whether I was going to be arrested for this or what. So I did the most stupid thing in the world, and went to RP Haven and asked Rose to talk to Zephir, saying what I had done, and asking would I be able to stay in the ACP. Rose said he had said no that I couldn't keep the power. Which made me mad, so I did the only thing I could think of, to get revenge for that, and started to delete the forums one by one. Till comex signed on and stopped me with an exploit that put the board offline. I was led to believe he couldn't fix it, that only Moonscoop could, and that it was down for good. Mad at him, I took down any sites I had power over that I could get comex for. CLTCG (which was now under the control of comex, and on IPB.) and Techlinks, the site I had promised Casio, I wouldn't screw up on. Comex wasn't an admin so he couldn't do anything about TL. I was banned from TL, and the CL board remained down. I hated comex, and the name I found out about 'UASC' for that afterwards.
One day, CL was finally restored, I clicked on the link, expecting the white screen, but got the board instead. And as a bonus, I noticed I was still signed on as the admin. (since I never deleted cookies then). I had power over the whole thing. So I de-modded all the mods I hated, and practically took over CL, but then things went wrong. Due to being in Mexico on vacation, I wasn't able to get online much.So I trusted JWag, someone I thought to be my friend, as another admin. But he betrayed me, and handed it back to the original mods. I hated him for that, and hated UASC as much as him, I hated them all. I was banned from CL, but I stayed on with various other screenames. I tried more attempts, after attempt at hacking CL, but all of them failing badly. Then later on I met WhiteRaven at T-Girls chat, and threatened to hack UASC, and any site affiliated to them. But I still had no skills to backup my claims. I had done a few hacks, yes, but I was far from good. All my threats were considered empty.
Later on when the CL forum was re-taken by Marie. Zehpir still had power over the mod group and allowed me to be a mod. I promised I wouldn't do anything. But the anger of what had happened last time was still in my head. I was still holding a grudge and wiped everything that night while everyone was in bed. Then the next day, I gave an alliby that someone probably hacked my account, leading people to believe that, but I was still de-modded. Week after that, Marie called me on the phone. Actually called me from France to ask me why all the hacks. My grandma found out and threatened my computer being taken away for good, if I didn't stop. So I gave up on hacks for a while after that.
Phoenix
So instead of hacking, I stayed on AIM, roleplaying. Custom series by now. Music Video making, and drawing. But still stuck around the CL forum.
Some time later, Marie took away BBCode, Signatures, Avatars and Private Messaging, which people got 'fed up' with. Taking advantage of that, I made a backup board of the CL forum on invisionfree. Called 'Code Lyoko Backup', and directed people to that. Anarchy and others helped with it to, and soon even most of the Mods joined it. I automatically let them be admins, thinking since it was a forum for a backup of CL, it was only right that the mods of CL should be admins of the backup board. So I was on a truce with UASC/GWDA, due to phoenix. I was even allowed to be a mod, to wipe the CL forum, and re-direct people to the backup. BL suggested to change the name to Phoenix, since it was like born from the ashes of the CL forum. So it was then called Code Lyoko Phoenix. And it did great. But it wouldn't last.
Moonscoop fixed the CL forum, and so people migrated back there. Phoenix was dieing, but it was still alive. So the other admins suggested we change the theme, make it non CL , but more of a everything board. I was against it from the start, completely against it. It was originally a CL backup, why couldn't it stay that way. So the change wasn't made. But They added other boards. Zehpir added a Weapons Discussion board, I didn't think it was needed, so I deleted it. From what I was told, he got mad at that. And WR started to tell me I 'had no right'. I was still the root admin at this time. How was it 'I had no right?'. That was it, I got mad and left, telling them they can just have it then. I left it to WR, He gave it to BL. And despite, popular belief. I never did link the TOS, just gave him my password. I stayed though as a member, under a different username. Phoenix changed, the made it non CL, they added more boards under it, completely made it different from what it was before. But it gained more members. Finally, later, I asked to be an admin again. They let me, but I couldn't get my original root account back, I fought for it, but I couldn't have it back.
Seeing all the adults on Phoenix, and how they acted, I started to notice I was still childish, immature. So I started to become more serious towards things, and tried better at spelling and grammar, losing most of my sense of humor in the process. Well then last year, I got scared about armageddon, thinking the end of the world was coming that year, and that I had to quit the internet. So I asked to be de-adminned on CLTCG and Phoenix, but then later changed my mind, and asked to be re-adminned on both.
But WR wouldn't re-admin me, so I got with comex and we hacked the place. He did most of the work, I only helped to gather information. We used Harmony, who was an admin by then, social engineered her, by getting her secret question for her Yahoo email account, and used her account to place a key/password logger of comex's in the board wrappers. Was in control for a while, but then started to feel regret, after being shunned by everyone, and allowed myself to be tricked by BL. A stupid obvious ploy. He said he wanted to sign into to get his PM's. I could see through it right away. As soon as I let him, he would de-admin me. But I let him, allowed myself to be tricked, and was de-adminned, got to stay, wasn't banned, but had no power. Getting fed up again, used Harmony yet again to get back in, Comex and I waited for BL to sign in, so the script would pick up his password, then got control of phoenix. Handed it over Harmony, thinking she'd be a good choice. But instead I could see she wouldn't be, and hacked it yet again through her email, and deleted it. I also went and used BL's password for Phoenix, to destroy GWDA, since it was the same pass. I was mad, I wasn't thinking, I had no sense of right and wrong that night. But it was a mistake, a huge one. Probably the worst of my whole internet life.
Second Phoenix
So after deleting Phoenix, I posted there myself, asking who hacked it. Getting the members to believe I didn't know anything, and making a Second Phoenix to direct them to. That wouldn't last though. I had made one mistake in posting that. Forgetting to change my IP, Taichi was able to see that It was the same as the one in the ACP that deleted everything. So, I was confronted, and I turned the Second Phoenix that people were at, over to them. TomRK was chosen, since he was perfect for the job. And he would of been. Except for what happened next. The second phoenix was dying, barely anyone signed on, but they still did once in a while. Harmony made a forum of her own called TOA, and directed people there. But second phoenix lived still. Till one day, signed on, and noticed it was wiped. Now I know I didn't do it, because I was as surprised as the rest of them. I automatically thought it would be Harmony, since she would be holding a grudge at me for using her account 3 times on the old Phoenix. But she said it wasn't her, and people believed it. I knew it had to of been, since the IP was from Florida. But I gave it up, and helped rebuild it, then a few days later, it was erased again, once again from the Florida ip. So TomRK, pulled the plug on that phoenix, and it was killed. Taichi still to this day has the password to the old phoenix which is offline. Thus ending Phoenix.
Return of Adam and CLTCG So after Phoenix, I was shunned, completely by mostly everyone except a few. I had no friends anymore, hardly had a reputation.And I was depressed, becoming serious. No since of humor at all anymore. Till Adam came around, he returned and wanted to take TL down, why not he created it? So wanting to be his friend again, and grateful for anyone to talk to. I helped him, but using Casio's fear of Adam against him, telling him that he needed someone to help keep Adam away, thus gaining admin powers from Casio, on TL. Gave adam admin, and let him do whatever. Was de-adminned from TL, and no longer friends with Casio.
So I went to CLTCG, fell back on that being the last forum to go to, and made friends with the many 12 and 13 year olds brats there. Though they were younger and annoying, they still befriended me. And didn't shun me, so I held chats on AIM with them, making groups with them, bossing people around as an admin on CLTCG. Till I finally started to notice, they only were friends with me for my power on CLTCG. They weren't interested in me at all, only for what I could do. How is that real friendship?
But I still stayed on CLTCG, depressed, Fell back on that, Deviantart, Youtube, and such.
TOA TOA was doing great now, I was jealous, mad at Harmony still. I signed on there to check it out, when I came across a post of Harmony's, an apology for....'deleting phoenix'. I couldn't believe it. I knew she had done it, and now she was admitting it. So I used her email a last time, Got in found a link to her other email, got in that, got the password to TOA, and wiped TOA, just to show her how it feels. Then became enemies with TOA, and threatened to hack it all the time. Finally gave up on that later, and said I won't attack it. I was fed up with being shunned, fed up with no one trusting me.
Still am to this day. I came back to CL, out of boredom, and found at first, no one trusted me. So I started spamming, and threatening hacking again, and was banned, then talked to the admin and was unbanned. And here I am now. Depressed, with barely any friends, and trusted by no one. Everyone's moved on after phoenix, everyone except me. I still haven't let it go or forgiven myself. |
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